Sorry ahead of time for the TMI

Phew! 20 + unread posts to catch up on. I did it though, and left ya’ll a few comments.

Seems to me, that in the summer everything goes by the wayside. I enjoy blogging, but I have a desktop, and all I really want to do is be outside in the humidity, reading and chain smoking.

I’ve determined that I have Celiac’s Disease. I know you are probably thinking, oh, she read something on the internet and has become a hypochondriac. That may be a little bit true, but it started with this: (Sorry for the TMI) I have always had what I just figured was IBS (irratable bowel syndrome) since I was young, like fourth or fifth grade. I suffered terrible cramps and diarrhea, gas, and cankersores (like a cold sore only inside your mouth) the size of my pinky finger. The severity subsided for awhile, but lately it’s been back w/ a vengeance. My stomach is distended and I look like I am pregnant. I have been peeing out my ass for a month now. I started googling bloated stomach. At first I was thinking I should just do a colon cleanse. I even emailed ETW about her experience w/ one of those over the counter products.

During all of this I had a conversation with my neighbor who’s son was just diagnosed w/ Crohn’s Disease. Crohn’s disease and Celiac’s actually share a lot of similar symptoms. But then she told me her mother had Celiac’s as a child and it was dormant for a long time, and has recently come back.

Then I started doing more research and I’ve pretty much determined that I have this without a doubt in my mind. So much so, that since yesterday I’ve taken on a Gluten-Free Diet.

It takes some research which I am still in the middle of doing. For instance I can have as much potatoes and rice as I want. I had a bag of red baby potatoes that I needed to use up, and I used a Lipton’s seasoning pack on them. After I’d seasoned them I realized the seasoning pack had wheat so therefore most likely had Gluten in it (I still haven’t figured out all the ingredients I need to look for, so at this point if I see wheat I’m assuming Gluten) At least it was only the seasoning.

Today I managed to be completely gluten free. I had a baked potatoe from Wendy’s for lunch and fresh fruit. For dinner I had salad and italian chicken (the perdue prepackaged kind which I was thrilled to see had “gluten free” right on the package! My coworker happened to got o Whole Foods and brought me a loaf of gluten free banana bread. I am going to try it tomorrow as a snack.

Being devoted to changing my diet is a new experience for me. But I am sick of feeling crappy (literally) all the time. I know pasta and bread are out the window except for specialty versions (which by the way, are extremely expensive), but I’m trying to be ok with that. I also know that if I cheat sometimes, I am not going to die, but I am going to pay the consequences.

I am convinced, though, that this is very real, and it is a very real change that needs to be made in my life. I’m still doing a bit of research. If I ever get insurance again, I am going to go get the official test, but on one of the websites I read, it basically says that if you feel better after going Gluten-Free, that is kind of a diagnosis within itself. And amazingly, after only two days, I haven’t had any ass explosions. So that’s progress.

Still wanna try the colon cleanse thing though. If anyone has a good experience with an over the counter product let me know!

Trying to be Gracious

I hope everyone had a safe and fun Fourth of July. We just got home from the fireworks about half an hour ago. We are lucky enough to have friends that live right in the city, so we got to see the show in Baltimore without doing the touristy thing.

Scott’s best friend has been dating a girl that I absolutely adore for the past year or so. She raises her little sister, Honesty (we call her Honnie for short, like Awnee, phonetically) and although Honnie is only five years old Haley and her play well together. She adores Haley and I think Haley likes that motherly sort of feeling. She hold her hand when we cross the street and Honnie is allowed to go down the street or down the hall with Haley there. I think it gives Haley a feeling of responsibility.

So we joined them downtown in Baltimore for a cookout and the girls played and then we walked down around 9 pm for the fireworks. It was such a beautiful night here, balmy and breezy. The show was spectacular. Haley hasn’t seen big fireworks since she was about five years old. I enjoy neighborhood fireworks just as much, but seeing a professional show is really enjoyable every couple of years. Being able to see it without being stuck with all the crowds is even better.

On our walk back from the fireworks as we were getting ready to head back to the suburbs, Dave got a text. Another close friend of ours, Sean, just proposed to his gfriend, Ashley. It was a complete surprise and he did it during the fireworks.

I’m happy for them, I really am. But I can’t help but be selfishly sad at the same time. Every couple we know has been together less time than Scott and I and are now either already married or engaged. It’s depressing. I know it’s stupid, that it’s not a competition, but I can’t help but think that it’s kind of embarassing. Although I have no problem telling anyone to Fuck off, I am admittedly, someone who cares what other people think. I don’t like it about myself, but it’s not going to change. I wonder if people say “oh it’s so sad, Scott is never going to marry her.” Or “Is she ever going to realize he’s not marrying her?” We do everything married people do so why not make it official?

Now the rational part of me realizes that only in the last year have we become mature enough to actually be married. I get that. We were not ready in the past. Since I nearly left last year, things truly have changed and I am happy and content. And I would like to move towards the next step. It’s like what Scott said when we bought this house together, it was “natural progression”.

In the back of my mind I think maybe in Aruba, but I don’t want to ruin my trip waiting for something that’s not going to happen.

I know I’m moping. I’m having a little pity party. Waaah me, I’m not engaged. Poor Vinomom.

Sorry. I’m trying to be graciously happy for them. Really I am. I can’t afford a damn wedding anyways.

Still Here For Now

I’m still totally up in the air about moving my blog. I feel like if I DO move it, I want my own domain name. I started fooling around with blogger today but didn’t get far.

This is kinda one of those posts where I have nothing important to say, but a lot to say at the same time.

Does anyone remember “Dear Mr. Henshaw” by Beverly Cleary? For Haley’s birthday I bought her quite a few books. I knew it wouldn’t make my gifts the most popular but I also know she loves to read and has literally read every  book she owns. I was looking for a new series she might like, and I absolutely love looking through Young Adult fiction. We read a couple of “The Series of Unfortunate Events” together that I really enjoyed.

While browsing through Barnes and Nobles I happened upon three books that I fondly remembered. The first being “Dear Mr. Henshaw”. It is a book made up entirely of letters by a young boy to an author, and then journal entries later. The day she opened it, she went off to register her new Webkinz that I got her and I actually sat down and read the whole thing in about thirty minutes. It was just as good as I remembered even twenty or so years later.

Haley finished it in the last couple days and said she really liked it too. She said she almost cried at the end. I guess some classics are timeless. In addition to those books, I got her “Mandy” and “The Last of the Really Great Whangdoodles” both by Julie Andrews. I may just reread those as well.

Found out today at work that we are most likely consolidating companies with two other mortgage companies. Strength in numbers, I guess. It also makes it so that more people are grouped under one broker’s license, have to pay for one audit, split the rent four ways etc etc. I’m fine with combining. It happens to be that we are combining with the company I was laid off from before coming to my current job. Small world huh? I’m along for the ride as long as it’s still running. Honestly, the convenience of working so close is hard to beat, and plus combining may mean I can actually get a decent insurance policy, and if I’m processing loans for more people maybe I can get a raise and/or a bonus structure going. I was about to ask for bonuses anyways.

The part that sucks is that we are going to have to move AGAIN. This will be Move #3 and I’ve only just had one my one year anniversary. The first two moves made sense…our lease was up and the place was too expensive. We shared space with another company for $0.00. Then they had to rent out the space we were taking, so we found our own place, which we currently reside at. I love our office. And now we are going to be moving again. As long as I’m not the one who has to deal with changing everything over I guess I really don’t care too much.

We are making an entire new company out of all of this, though, which means a new name, so I’ve been thinking up good names.

Truthfully, I think we are headed for a dead end. But whatever keeps my paycheck coming a little bit longer, I’m down with. I am not going to start looking until I have to, because most likely, I will have to work farther away from home again, and you can’t beat the commute and the flexibility I have here.

Switching Gears here..

Currently I’m slightly ahead in our Biggest Loser contest. I hate weighing in in the middle of the day. Yesterday I weighed in at 123, but naked at 8 am, I weighed 121 lbs. Either way I’ve lost six pounds, which I’m pretty psyched about. Still doing Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred workout two to three times a week, and dieting. I encourage anyone who’s trying to lose a few pounds to try out this DVD. It kicks your ass, but twenty minutes is bearable for anyone. I am pretty sure I am going to have the weight I’m looking for come Aruba. Which, holy shit, is now less than a month away! OMG! It just really hit me how close it is!

Thanks for all the nice comments about following me to Blogger (or wherever I end up) I’ve had a lot more time to read than I’ve had to blog. And sometimes I AM reading but not commenting because I’m at work. I’m fairly up to date on all ya’ll bitches!

Tomorrow is a half day for me, and then shopping with the Kid. She’s got gift certificates burning a hole in her pocket! Think we might get our nails did after shopping.

Hope everyone has a fabulous Fourth of July!

WTF?

Not sure what is up w/ WordPress, but just so you all know, I am seriously considering moving to Blogger with my own domain name. It’s only 10 bucks a year!

I hate to move my blog but I think you all can deal and follow me over there. Right? I got a few loyal readers out there…I think.

Anyways gonna see what all is entailed with having your own domain. Stay posted…

Calling this one In

Trying to republish so the post won’t be all fucked up…

Nope totally did not work..have no idea why WordPress is doing this!

Birthday week is finally over! I was going to write a big post about Haley’s family party today, but I don’t have it in me. God, I wish it was still the weekend tomorrow. Instead I stole a Meme from Laura:

1. What is your current obsession? Losing these 10 lbs before Aruba!

2. What is your weirdest obsession? Bejeweled on Facebook. My sister just got her 175K medal and I don’t get how the fuck she is doing that.

3. Recall a fond childhood memory? Watching the neighborhood boys trash talk while playing basketball. My biggest worry was how long they were going to let me follow them around the block.

4. What’s for dinner? WINE.

5. What would you eat for your last meal? That is a very loaded question. I’m really torn between pasta and Chinese food. But I’d probably have to go with Pasta, like the best baked ziti ever and a ton of garlic bread.

6. What’s the last thing you bought? A dress for Haley’s birthday party today because she wanted to wear the same dress that she wore for last year’s party, and I refused because I don’t want the pictures to look the same. Cuz yeah I’m anal like that.

7. What are you listening to right now? Scott playing video games downstairs.

8. What do you think of the person who tagged you? I wasn’t tagged, I stole this because I’m lazy.

9. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished, anywhere in the world, where would it be? I’m not terribly traveled so I don’t know. Somewhere comfy and relatively close to conveniences but close to Mother Nature as well. I’ve always wanted to visit the Bayous in Lousiana.

10. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go? For only an hour? AFRICA, on Safari! It is my dream to get there.

11. Which language do you want to learn? lol at Laura’s answer: “MAN-Language”. I really would love to be fluent in Italian. I even bought tapes one time.

12. What’s your favourite quote (for now)? I LOVE quotes! I don’t even know if this really classifies as a quote, it’s more just like one of those myspace things you post but here it is anyways: “Keep your expectations Low, Your Hopes High, Your drinks full, and your true friends by your side.”

13. What is your favorite color? PINK ! I can’t help it I love Pink.

14. What is your favourite piece of clothing in your own wardrobe? Right now, whatever doesn’t give me a Muffin Top.

15. What is your dream job? Editor of some publication. OR something with animals, like big cats, lions and tigers and stuff.

16. What’s your favourite magazine? Women First…it’s like 99 cents and comes out every week.

17. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on? A night out with good food and great wine.

18. Describe your personal style? Classic. I don’t wear anything too trendy. Most of my clothes I could have worn five years ago or five years from now and they’d still be acceptable.

19. What are you going to do after this? Play BEJEWELED on Facebook.

20. What are your favorite films? Rounders, Sliding Doors

21. What’s your favourite fruit? Raspberries. Love em.

22. What inspires you? Books. and actually, blogs.  I want to someday write in a way where people can’t help but stop and read.

23. Your favourite books? Gone with the Wind, The Queen’s Own by Mercedes Lackey, and probably My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Piccoult.

24. Do you collect anything? I used to collect Gone w the Wind memorabilia. Seriously I had a cardboard cutout of Rhett and Scarlett in my room bigger than me! Yeah I was kind of a dork.

25. Any advice that’s come from bitter experience? You can’t change people. You just can’t. If you can’t live with it, get out. If you can, then quit bitching.

26. What makes you follow a blog? Anything can be interesting if it’s well written. And that doesn’t mean you are a pulitzer prize winner. It just means I can follow it and want to get to the end.

So Busy

My work days suck. Then it seems like something is ALWAYS going on during  the weekends. Especially with this week being Haley’s birthday theres just been a crap load to do.

Two days go by and I check my google reader and I have 33 blogs to catch up on. I read about ten tonight. Quit posting shit, people!

We took Haley to the see “UP” for her birthday yesterday. It was cute but I’d be lying if I said I’ve been disappointed with Disney since Mulan. I’m not a big Pixar fan either. Even Scott said the movie was Sad.

Sunday is her family party which is always fun. We are going to an Orioles game tomorrow, then Saturday I have to help a friend paint and then hopefully will go to a local bar at night to see some old friends. Busy, busy, busy.

I’ll be back when I can.

Nine is Fine

Tomorrow marks nine years since I gave birth. While labor itself wasn’t scary for me, that entire time period of my life was not a favorite of mine.

I was 19, pregnant with a guy I just met, and didn’t even really like all that much. I had only one or two friends, not even close friends, as I’d only lived in Maryland for a year when I had Haley.

There isn’t one single picture of me pregnant, at least where you can tell I am pregnant. There are face shots, but no belly shots. No one even really took a picture of me at my baby shower, except to accidentally catch me in the picture. I guess no one cared enough to, and I was too young to realize how much I would regret not being able to show my daughter pictures some day of her in my tummy.

Children certainly make the time fly by. I’m not sure when my sweet sleepy infant became my adorable, chubby, bubbly little toddler and now my smart (and sassy) clever pretty tween. She’s brought me joy, challenges, and the all around desire to be a better person, each and every day.

So here’s my baby – for your entertainment.

You keep me on my toes girl – No doubt about it. I love you with all I’ve got.

Mom

It’s Been So Long….

I was remiss in my blog writing last week. I’m sneaking in here while Haley eats some popcorn and watches a show before bedtime. I’m afraid if I waited any longer I would fall asleep at the computer! Especially after this glass of wine I’m enjoying.

Last week was just so busy…I don’t even remember why it was so busy, it just was.

Haley had her “friend” party this Saturday for her birthday at the local skating rink. I’d like to claim that’s what I was busy with, but in fact, all we did was show up. For $220 they do EVERYTHING. I mean cake, sundaes, goody bags, the works. The kids get a certain amount of free tokens to play the games, she gets her favorite song dedicated to her, and a chance in the cash cage (a cage that blows around money and tokens and stuff and she gets one minute to catch as much as she can).

It’s really a good deal, because ordering a cake, buying the items for the goody bags and decorations and everything would have probably cost me just as much. The kids had a lot of fun. I nearly cancelled the thing at the last minute because I had NO RSVP’s. I was freaking out! Then I found one on my voicemail, that I hadn’t checked in weeks, one called Friday, and two maybe’s became yesses. So we had a six girls (and one boy) show up, which was great.

After her birthday party, we had to rush to the Hockey Game, which was a benefit for the child that was killed in our area. Scott was asked to play on the team for the benefit and they got to play against the alumni Washington Capitals! (Professional Hockey players that are retired) Scott was sooo excited for this. He did come to help me out at the birthday party beforehand then left after an hour to suit up for the game. The benefit was put on by good friends of ours and was a big hit. There was a raffle and silent auction that raised a lot of money for the Family. It felt good to be part of something like that in the community.

That's my Man

Both Teams

After the game, most of the team members came back to our place for some drinks and food. It was an enjoyable night for a good cause. Scott got his old Washington Capitals jersey signed by all the alumni team members too.

All that partying meant I ate like CRAP all weekend! I gained a pound and it’s been three weeks and I’ve only lost three pounds, which is absurd. I will never lose ten pounds at that rate. So Sunday while I was out shopping for Haley’s Birthday (which is this Wednesday) I picked up Jillian Michael’s 30 Day Shred. Check it out on Amazon it got awesome reviews!

I popped it in this afternoon after work. Holy shit. It kicked my ass. In a good way. The hardest part is the straight two minutes of Cardio, doing jumping jacks and pretend jump roping. I thought I was gonna pass out! But it ain’t called 30 Day Shred for nothing. I am doing it five days a week until Aruba if it kills me. Between that and watching what I eat, I know I can do it.

After working out I tried to walk the dog but my legs were still jiggly from all the cardio. Came back home and worked in the garden instead. This summer has been so mild, can you believe one of my Mums is trying to bloom! They are FALL plants. They are also incredibly huge, bigger than I thought they would ever get, and blocking the view of all my day lillies. I’m gonna have to move the garden around next year, or keep the mums cut waaaay back.

Oh yeah – Father’s Day. I called my dad, and we actually had a really nice chat for about half an hour, maybe more. I don’t talk to him much anymore. He legally adopted me when I was five and I was fairly close to him growing up, but ever since I moved away (ten years now) he’s felt more like a step dad. He hasn’t made much effort to stay close, and neither have I. But it was nice talking, even though we were talking about his work most of the time. Haley spent Father’s Day at her dad’s and had a nice day, according to them. He asked if she could spend the night next Saturday too. I always hold my breath, but it’s still nice that he’s starting to take an interest in being a parent, finally.

So there you have it, my last week in a nutshell. I have been commenting if you’ve noticed, but just haven’t had time to post anything. Summier is craaaazy – there is so much going on! And it all seems to cost money – go figure.

Some People Can’t Keep Their Mouths Shut

Some days when I think I just don’t have the energy to write, or any emotions left to express, I find that if I just open up WordPress, and start typing, it comes out one way or another.

I know I promised stories about the Saturday Night debacle, but something else is on my mind tonight.

Haley’s dad picked her up from daycare yesterday and today and spent the evening with her. He got fired last week, so he has a little more time on his hands. He already found a new job which he’ll start Thursday – IF he’s not in jail after court tomorrow. Haley spent the afternoon and overnight with him on Saturday and Sunday when she came home was already whining to go back. That’s ok. I don’t take it personally. Spending extended lengths of time with her dad is new to her, so I understand it being exciting or fun or whatever. I let her call her dad and they work it out between the two of them.

He brought her home this evening around 7:30. She played the computer for a bit and then we went up to bed. We cuddled for a bit and she was reading a “Trading Spaces Boys vs Girls” book she got at the Book Fair and showing me pictures of the different rooms. She loves that show.

We’ve been saying Prayers for a month or two now. Her idea, and one I completely support. I can honestly say I like the feeling of having a nice prayer at night to end the day. While I fell away from Organized Religion a long time ago, I have always believed in God and all the rest of it. It’s been awhile since I prayed, though.

Usually our prayers consist of Thanking God for this day, for our family and friends, asking him to keep us and them safe, asking him to help Haley fall asleep and have good dreams and blessing Scott to and from his drive to work, and asking God to help her 3rd grade teacher’s son get better (he’s been in the hospital pretty much since he was born). While she asks me to pray a lot of the time, usually she butts in because I’ve left something out.

Tonight she finished her prayer with “And please help Daddy have a good day in court and not go to Jail.”

I kept my face completely expressionless.

“Did Daddy tell you about Court?” I asked her.

“No, other people did.”

There are only two other people at the house. She said when she asked if she could spend the night Grandma said “No, because Daddy had court tomorrow.”

Grandma has fucking Diarrhea of the Mouth.

If her Dad had told her, then I would have said fine, that’s his choice, even though I disagree with it, because I don’t feel like an 8 year old should have to worry about those things. But for his mom to open her mouth really pisses me off. In fact I just emailed her telling her that.

So I say to Haley, I wish they wouldn’t have told you that, that I don’t want her worrying about that stuff, that it will work out. She sees my annoyance I guess and gets defensive for her father.

Suddenly she’s saying that I don’t like anything her dad does, and I always say I don’t like what he does, or something like that. I was totally shocked. I have always made such a point NOT to say anything negative about her dad. I suppose my attitude does get flippant some times and it’s possible that I’ve rolled my eyes a time or two in her presence, but I can honestly say I don’t think I’ve ever bad mouthed him around her. The worst thing I’ve ever said was a couple years ago, when he was really being sporadic and making promises and not following through, was that “daddy wasn’t always reliable.” It was the blandest way I could figure to warn her upfront that just because Daddy said he was going to do something, didn’t necessarily mean it was going to happen.

She asked me “what if Daddy does go to jail?” All I could answer was, “Then he’ll get out in a little while.” I mean, what would you have said? I can’t promise her he won’t go to jail. I have no idea. He’s hoping for House Arrest or Work Release, worst case scenario. At what point has your life hit when you are hoping for House Arrest?

We’ll see what happens tomorrow. If I have to tell her her dad is in jail, it’s going to break my heart. She did say that she’s glad Grandma told her, because if Daddy did go to jail and she didn’t find out until later she would be really really mad. I see that she is growing up, and I can’t keep things from her. But at the very least, if the worst does happen, I could have bought myself a day or two to think about it. Now I’m going to have to have an answer ready the moment I pick her up from  daycare.

And just as a side note, Haley told me that Daddy was driving too fast today and his girlfriend Angela threw up. So help me God, if he has knocked her up, I am going to kill myself.

Just Checking In…

It is just too late and I  don’t have it in me to go over the details of the debacle of this weekend. Nothing bad, really, just one crazy night out on the town. Sunday, I pretty much wished I was dead. Details later.

I’ve spent the evening catching up on all your blogs. I was sorely behind. Speaking of dragging ass, I am up to eyeballs in files at work. So I have a feeling I will be a little MIA for the majority of the week. Don’t take it personally.

Ciao Chicas!